Work won’t love you back

2022-08-03 Update: reflected that the transition to a legal entity was postponed by a year; gave link to media advisory of that transition; rewrote two phrases.


Abstract of what is on my mind: work is transactional by nature, excellent connections with coworkers are precious (I am fortunate to have many). Now, the companies that consider their work force “family” puzzle me. This is not exactly the case where I work (or is it?), BUT we are in a setting that is pretty conducive to it, AND after 27 years, this is going to change –in less than a year two years. SO I really wonder what that change will do to the current equilibrium (I’m pretty sure it’s going to put it to the test).


Screenshot of a Tweet by Kevin pointing out that work won’t love you back

This stemmed from my browsing The Twitters yesterday. I read Kevin‘s tweet.

He wrote “work won’t love you back.” And as much as I’ve loved the people I’ve worked with, it’s always turned to be correct.

Screenshot of the The tweets that Kevin quoted, referring to work as family but also as being a transaction

Kevin was quoting another Twitter thread where I read “it’s so emotionally damaging when companies self-style their workers as ‘family’. you can have deep emotional connections with your coworkers, if you’re lucky, but don’t forget that work relationships are fundamentally transactional. i hope your family is not.


I don’t consider my workplace to be like family and we aren’t self-styled as such either. But, work is very central in my life: every other week I spend most of my waking time at work (the other week, I am solo parent of a teenager, spending just normal amounts of time at work).

Firstly, I am fortunate to have very deep emotional connections with many of my coworkers, a few of which I even regard as father parent figures, many of which are true models for me, most of which I respect tremendously.

Secondly, we have very little turnover. I’ve worked there for over 22 years and many current colleagues were already in the team when I joined. And we welcome newcomers, not as siblings, but with similar care and attention to their success. As though we have a stake in it –and we do, yes.

Thirdly, we get together (we used to, pre-COVID at least) every now and then and those occasions are always enjoyable and looked forward to by most. Yes, like any other workplaces, there are difficult people who get along with fewer people, or are not interested in making any connections at all. That’s my description of our unusual work environment. In fact, I remember how I described it to my mum a few years into it: it’s like summer camp where you make new great friends and do exciting stuff, but it’s all year-round.

Now, our administrative setup allows us to do our work without a whole lot of competition, without too many frustrations, because we are employed by four different institutions that legally “host” our consortium, and in most of our cases, the people who employ us are not those we take work orders from. I think that makes a world of a difference.


Change is coming. The Hosts arrangement, in place from the start in 1994, has enough drawbacks that for a few years now we have been exploring how to become our own legal entity. This is set to happen on January 1, 2022 2023. When it does, the consortium will have its own bank account, legal and fiduciary obligations, and traditional management powers that we currently do not fully have.

The dynamics are bound to change. While today I (and many others in the team) are moved by the sheer impact our work has on society (HTML –heard of it? CSS, Web accessibility, Internationalization, etc. We are the little known consortium that makes the Web work, for everyone) and the Hosts that employ us provide the best abstraction to shield us from the reality of the transactional nature of work, this is going has the potential to hit us in the face like the train crashing Dr. Woodward’s truck in the movie Super 8!

There is a lot on our plates and most of us overwork because it’s really worth it! I remind myself on occasion that work won’t love me back, but once we are truly as valuable as our ability to make the company money, I wonder how the care will fare.

2 years a bachelorette

Today I’ve been a bachelorette for two years. It’s a fact, not a celebration, not a commemoration, not a homage. This is not a life goal either!

Hand-made envelope of a stapled white folded sheet on which colourful patches form a heart.

I love the idea of love and am happy for those who are in a good relationship. I am not sad that this isn’t my case. In practice, I have accepted that that isn’t for me.

I have had many happy moments in all of my past relationships and I cherish those memories. I am blessed with a selective memory which ensures that I retain hardly any bitterness from the unhappy times.

There isn’t any “yet”. That is all. The anniversary was on my mind because I was reminded of that time years ago when a dear friend of mine had posited that I could never stay single. It may have been the case then, and it may have shaped what I did back then to not stay single. If it was true, it hasn’t been for a while.

List-basing the next 8 months

A few minutes are all that is left of August. Then we’ll pivot into September and for me it’s the beginning of the meh months, which span about 8 months.

But there are three more weeks of summer and that’s what makes September the easiest of the meh months \o/

In order to look forward to them, I am thinking of approaching them with lists of things I want to do.

One of the lists I need to make first is that of the things or activities that bring me joy and satisfaction. Because these don’t make themselves obvious at the times I need them the most!

Another is about the things I will need to do (outside of work, that is, where I am all set with TODOs, reminders, actions, issues, one-on-ones, weekly meetings, fortnightly ones, etc.)

I feel I might need a third list, but I don’t know yet if it’s right, or if it is a subset from list number two. But it’s an important piece and perhaps that’s what warrants a specific list: one area I read want to dig in is keeping imposter’s syndrome at bay and learning to enjoy where I’m at. Here’s what I mean:

1) one has skills without necessarily realising it, and 2) one may not know how to enjoy the place they’re at when they are right where they’ve worked hard to be.

Screenshot of the fitness app showing the illustration for a new move goal

How do you get to name those skills as personal assets? How do you bask in their glory (without becoming a pompous infatuated egomaniac)? And what list to you build for this journey?

2020: midlife

I am going to turn 45 this year and I think I might be at midlife. More and more I feel it.

memoji-skeptical

I can’t say it’s because of the salt and pepper in my hair because that crept up on me several years ago. It isn’t either the wrinkles on my forehead and round my eyes – those came as I was raising my toddler. No, I am referring to physical signs that started last year :

  • Vision (1): my left eye now scores 10/10 while the right one remains at 12/10.
  • Vision (2): I used to see clearly real close (15 cm) but I now see clearly a little less close (20 cm). I continue to see clear real far.
  • Knee: my right knee aches now and then.
  • Right leg: I now can barely sit cross-legged and can most definitely no longer sit in the lotus position.
  • Periods: I’ve had only 4 inconsistent periods last year and none this year so far. I experience the unpleasant hot flashes almost every evening and at night.
  • Weight gain: unfortunately, another aspect of menopausal transition was weight gain. Far from being chubby, I rapidly gained enough weight (8 kilos or 16 pounds) that I had to put away a few of my favourite pants and skirts that were a strict size 36 (FR) or 4 (US), that the inside of my thighs now nearly touch each other, and that I have “love handles” (and no one to handle them but this is all right.)

There were also some hard realizations: people no longer call me miss, I have celebrated 21 years with my current employer, I can no longer learn as well and as fast as before.

What am I doing about it?

It took me a while to put two and two together, for starters, and to work on a plan.

I have a minimal plan of action to close all of my activity rings as much as possible. My smart watch sees that I do, although I’ve had it seven months so you could say it took me a while to make a plan. Better late than never!

screenshot of the apple watch showing the three activity rings closed

New Coralie exercises and tonight was the fourth day I jogged. I go with my dog who runs about four times more (and most times ends up splashing in the river along which we run). I run and walk for 20 or 30 minutes. Every evening so far I have run more than the previous day. This is encouraging! I’m keen on making steady progress.

That is all.

October 2020 update

I took this exercising plan very seriously and now it’s part of my daily routine \o/

How did it work?

  • I became addicted rather quickly, thankfully, because otherwise this would not have been a thing at all!
  • The other thing that helped was that I was also very curious and enthusiastic about my rapid and steady progress, therefore I was motivated.
  • And lastly, I set myself up for success: only non-ambitious goals, realistic expectations, and achievable plans. In practice for me it meant it had to be easy enough to do that I would not give up. For example, taking the dog out for a walk or run was good for me too. Or walking to the beach to eat a picnic. Or doing yoga or core training in the comfort of my living room, following a YouTube video series (yoga with Adriene, in my case).

It took me 6 months to lose that extra weight (it was in the vicinity of 10 kilos —20 pounds). some time in September I was able to put my favourite trousers again \o/

But there were other benefits that I discovered early on: more strength in the core, legs and arms, more mobility. Two concrete examples:

  1. When I started running I needed knee braces, especially for the right knee. That knee had been giving me grief for a few years and I didn’t think it could be fixed, but gaining strength did! After less than a month, I could feel the braces were no more useful. Since then, I no longer have knee pains, ever.
  2. My right hip gained mobility after a few months and I was able again to sit in cross-legged position without needing to lift up my leg to ease the pain. I now no longer have hip pain.

Stats

March:
Workouts: 30
Time: 15:06 (average: 00:30)
Kcal: 4579 (average: 152)
Runs: 19
Walk: 10
Fitness: 1

April:
Workouts: 63
Time: 26h59 (average: 00:25)
Kcal: 7622 (average: 120)
Runs: 26
Walk: 18
Fitness: 18

May:
Workouts: 79
Time: 45h21 (average: 00:34)
Kcal: 11797 (average: 149)
Runs: 23
Walk: 31
Fitness: 25

June:
Workouts: 54
Time: 35h15 (average: 00:39)
Kcal: 9200 (average: 170)
Runs: 16
Walk: 14
Fitness: 24

July:
Workouts: 67
Time: 45h12 (average: 00:40)
Kcal: 12451 (average: 185)
Runs: 18
Walk: 14
Fitness: 35

August:
Workouts: 46
Time: 23h02 (average: 00:30)
Kcal: 4764 (average: 103)
Runs: 4
Walk: 7
Fitness: 35

September:
Workouts: 60
Time: 35h14 (average: 00:35)
Kcal: 7312 (average: 121)
Runs: 4
Walk: 13
Fitness: 43