Category: books

no matter how grandiose

[This post originally appeared in Dullicious, where I blogged as Barbie-dull for several years.]

“Except for one or two minor details,” said Aziraphale smugly.
“But it nearly worked,” snapped Crowley, feeling he should stick up for the old firm.
“You see, evil always contains the seeds of its own destruction,” said the angel. “It is ultimately negative, and therefore encompasses its downfall even at its moments of apparent triumph. No matter how grandiose, how well-planned, how apparently foolproof an evil plan, the inherent sinfulness will by definition rebound upon its instigators. No matter how apparently successful it may seem upon the way, at the end it will wreck itself. I will founder upon the rocks of iniquity and sink headfirst to vanish without trace into the seas of oblivion.”
Crowley considered this. “Nah,” he said, at last. “For my money, it was just average incompetence.”

“Good Omens”
By Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

Tchaikovsky’s ‘Another One Bites the Dust’

[This post originally appeared in Dullicious, where I blogged as Barbie-dull for several years.]

Aziraphale (an Angel, and part-time rare book dealer) and Crowley (an Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards), are in Crowley’s Bentley. One particularity is that all tapes left in a car for more than a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.

Somewhere around Chiswick, Aziraphale scrabbled vaguely in the scree of tapes in the glove compartment.
“What’s a Velvet Underground?” he said.
“You wouldn’t like it,” said Crowley.
“Oh,” said the angel dismissively. “Be-bop.”
“Do you know, Aziraphale, that probably if a million human beings were asked to describe modern music, they wouldn’t use the term ‘be-bop’?” said Crowley.
“Ah, this is more like it. Tchaikovsky,” said Aziraphale, opening a case and slotting its cassette into the Blaupunkt.
“You won’t enjoy it,” sighed Crowley. “It’s been in the car for more than a fortnight.”
A heavy bass beat began to thump the Bentley as they sped past Heathrow.
Aziraphale’s brow furrowed.
“I don’t recognize this,” he said. “What is it?”
“It’s Tchaikovsky’s ‘Another One Bites the Dust,'” said Crowley, closing his eyes as they went through Slough.
To while away the time as they crossed the sleeping Chilterns, they also listened to William Byrd’s “We Are the Champions” and Beethoven’s “I Want To Break Free.” Neither were as good as Vaughan Williams’s “Fat-Bottomed Girls.”

“Good Omens”
by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

Worth knowing fact #194 – Hints for Wives (newspaper, the wife’s real friend)

[This post originally appeared in Dullicious, where I blogged as Barbie-dull for several years.]

Worth knowing fact #194 – Hints for Wives:

Never complain that your husband pores too much over the newspaper, to the exclusion of that pleasing converse which you formerly enjoyed with him. Don’t hide the paper; don’t give it to the children to tear; don’t be sulky when the boy leaves it at the door; but take it in pleasantly, and lay it down before your spouse. Think what man would be without a newspaper; treat it as a great agent in the work of civilization, which it assuredly is; and think how much good newspapers have done by exposing bad husbands and bad wives, by giving their errors to the eye of the public. But manage you in this way: when your husband is absent, instead of gossiping with neighbors, or looking into shop windows, sit down quietly, and look over that paper; run your eye over its home and foreign news; glance rapidly at the accidents and casualties; carefully scan the leading articles; and at tea-time, when your husband again takes up the paper, say, “My dear, what an awful state of things there seems to be in India;” or “what a terrible calamity at the Glasgow theatre;” or “trade appears to be flourishing in the north!” and depend upon it down will go the paper. If he has not read the information, he will hear it all from your lips, and when you have done, he will ask, “Did you, my dear, read Simpson’s letter upon the discovery of chleroform?” And whether you did or not, you will gradually get into as cosy a chat as you ever enjoyed; and you will soon discover that, rightly used, the newspaper is the wife’s real friend, for it keeps the husband at home, and supplies capital topics for every-day table-talk.

From the excellent “Inquire Within for Anything You Want To Know or Over Three Thousand Seven Hundred Facts Worth Knowing” of 1858.

Worth knowing fact #68

[This post originally appeared in Dullicious, where I blogged as Barbie-dull for several years.]

Fact Worth Knowing #68:

WALKING. — To walk gracefully, the body must be erect, but not stiff, and the head help up in such a posture that the eyes are directed forward. The tendency of untaught walkers is to look towards the ground near the feet ; and some persons appear always as if admiring their shoe-ties. The eyes should not thus be cast downward, neither should the chest bend forward to throw out the back, making what are termed round shoulders ; on the contrary, the whole person must hold itself up, as if not afraid to look the world in the face, and the chest by all means be allowed to expand. At the same time, everything like strutting or pomposity must be carefully avoided. An easy, firm, and erect posture, are alone desirable. In walking, it is necessary to bear in mind that the locomotion is to be performed entirely by the legs. Awkward persons rock from side to side, helping forward each leg alternately by advancing the haunches. This is not only ungraceful, but fatiguing. Let the legs alone advance, bearing up the body.

From the excellent “Inquire Within for Anything You Want To Know or Over Three Thousand Seven Hundred Facts Worth Knowing” of 1858.